Boundaries and Balance

Hey!

The weekend is over. I hope you had time to sit back and relax. You did a wonderful job last week and every week that has gone by. I am certain you take time off regularly to take care of yourself. Touch the grass! Run! Paint! Sing! Dance! Cook! Sleep! Do whatever you want to feel your soul. And spend time with your loved ones and yourself.

Before reading further, please take a pause for 5 minutes (put a reminder as this thought might take you ahead and transport you somewhere else in your thoughts. I know this happens to me, as memories bring back memories).

Close your eyes and think of the amazing people you have in your lives. Those who bring you joy. Those who bring peace. Those who motivate you to be a better version of yourself. Those who challenge you to win and enjoy your wins. Those who stand by you when you don’t. Those who hold you when you fall. Those who caress your wounds. They can be your partner, family, friends, or co-workers.

Done? So, let’s start.

Now take three deep breaths to pause the memories that were triggered.

Now that you are centered, let me give you some context on why I thought about sharing this.

I am a very emotional person. I am very cautious and never make friends easily, but whenever I do, I repose my sincere trust in them quickly. (This does not mean that I keep myself away from making friends; I am always excited to meet people and learn about them and their experiences. That’s my agenda for life: meeting as many new people as I can.) I have amazing friends. Yes, not everyone is the same, but I try to support them in whatever manner I can.

Like everyone, I am also hurt when my expectations are not met. Eventually, I learned consciously not to keep overarching expectations. Anyway, sadly, what we have in our mind and heart may not be felt by others. People might not replicate the same feelings and gestures. Even with no fault of theirs, what clicks for me might not click for them. And let’s just accept that everyone is entitled to choose their friends, their company, and to protect themselves. I was hurt by some relationships, but then I learned to protect myself. I am not trying to be the bigger person here, I never do. I forgive, but never forget. And neither do I ask anyone to follow what I do. But for my peace of mind, I forged a way to protect myself.

And this is the simple technique I use.

I grounded myself with this belief:

Everyone is right. Everyone is not supposed to stay with me on my lifelong journey. They have their own world which revolves around them and their choices. I cannot force them to be in my life just because I want them to be. They may not reciprocate the same vibes.

So, how do I protect myself?

I mentally created these circles:

I am the center of my world. I am saying this with an absolute lack of selfishness. But it is my duty to protect myself. I cannot burden anyone with this, and neither can I blame anyone for hurting me (especially unintentionally) while they are trying to think best for themselves. And yes, it is also my job to ensure that nobody takes advantage of me. But does that absolve the other person from being civil? No. There would be repercussions, different for different harms.

Then there is the next part of the circle, which is my family, the one which is a combination of people who are god-given, by virtue of my destiny, and the ones I choose. These are the people who are extremely important in my life, like the air I breathe. Not everyone who is related to me on account of my birth in a particular family fall into this category. I choose them cautiously. They have my back. They are my cushion. They are by my side, and I am theirs, no matter what. I keep them informed about my life decisions because it impacts them as it impacts my well-being. I keep a check on them, and they do the same for me. That’s my family and my friends who have become family.

Then comes the next circle: my friends. They are also my well-wishers. I support them, but my life does not depend on them. I like them. I do not give them the power to impact my emotional, mental, psychological, and social well-being.

Then, there are my acquaintances. They crossed paths with me someday. I wish well for them. But what they do is none of my concern and vice versa.

Finally, there is the rest of the world, with billions of people out there. One beautiful soul once told me, strangers are just friends I have never met. So, I keep my mind and heart open to know them and take time to find the right spot for them.

People change, so of course, these equations change with them. But I keep reminding myself of my limits for each category. I have learned to say ‘no’. It protects me, them, and the balance of social interaction between us.

Irrespective of what circle people fall into, I maintain the basic decency of human relationships, respect them, wish them well, and do not cause harm intentionally. I acknowledge my duties towards the society at large and responsibility to contribute towards community building.

You and I are different; this worked for me, but it is not necessary that it works for you. This helped me avoid the unnecessary pain and burden that I was inflicting on myself to keep relationships that do not help or support or concern me anymore. I was blaming myself for hurting them. Managing everyone takes time and effort, and I was dividing that time and effort into some relationships which do not matter in the long run.

Before signing off, let me reiterate, I am not generalizing relationship management. It is not the same in every case, every person is unique and so is their relationship. This is just a guide I prepared for myself a long time back which has kept me sane and protected. Relationships are simple. There are many factors that affect them. But there are my two cents if you want to start somewhere to untangle them. There is no attention to promote emotional detachment. But to promote emotional well-being by right management and identifying relationships which matter.

Protecting Your Peace: Managing Expectations and Emotions

Emotional Well-Being: Creating Circles of Support

Circles of Care: Navigating Relationships and Self-Preservation

Self-Care and Connection: Redefining Relationships

Navigating Relationships: From Self-Care to Social Circles

Caption:

This is a heartfelt and introspective piece as I look at maintaining personal well-being while navigating through my relationships and interactions. I share a thoughtful approach to managing emotional boundaries, emphasizing self-care, realistic expectations, and the importance of different relationship circles. An approach that has worked for me. This article is about #SelfCare #SelfPreservation #Reflection #PersonalBoundaries #RealisticExpectations #Forgiveness #Protection #Mindfulness #Gratitude #DynamicRelationships #Balance #Decency #EmotionalWellBeing #SelfAwareness #CirclesOfCare #CirclesOfSupport

I hope if you are struggling with relationships, this helps. If you need further support or a one-on-one chat, feel free to DM.